2 Years Ago Today

2 years ago today, Steve was spending his 3rd day in the hospital with Covid. It’s weird how what seemed to be a very scary but somewhat inconsequential moment in life, turned into a monumental event in our lives.

2 years ago today, I had NO idea what the future held. We all had Covid and our village began to form as they banned together to care for us in one of our most fragile moments.

2 years ago today, Steve was still texting me with work minutia: who I needed to call and which appointments I needed to change. He was having me contact his clients to assure them that although he was sick, their fish would still be cared for.

2 years ago today, I wasn’t as frightened as I should have been. I was a different person. I didn’t realize how much my life would change within just a few days.

2 years ago today, my life began to forever change.

So, while everyone is getting ready for the holidays. I sit here and battle my demons.

Don’t get me wrong, I do not spend my days crying. I am not stuck in a whirlwind of grief.

But right now, I am sad.

And that is okay because I know this will pass.

I have learned that sometimes, you just have to sit with your grief.

You have to give yourself a moment to cry and to really FEEL the gravity of what occurred.

So, although it was 2 years ago today, right now, it feels like yesterday.

The date December 2nd hangs over my head like a dark cloud.

I am reminded that on December 2nd, 2 years ago, Steve was hospitalized and began his battle with Covid.

I am reminded that my children lost their father and I lost my husband.

I am reminded that sometimes, life really sucks.

Our lives have gone on and we have a new sense of normal, but our lives didn’t follow the path that had been planned.

Jared and Shelby have proven to be resilient, kind and wonderful humans.

They both have hearts of gold and they understand the fragility of life a little too well.

I know that our story has impacted many others but I can’t help but wonder why it had to be OUR story.

I wonder what our lives would look like today if Steve never got Covid.

Would we still be the same strong, compassionate fighters that we are?

Would we still have the same understanding that life is too precious to waste?

Would we still be sure to never leave the house without an I love you?

Obviously, I will never know the answers to these questions.

But, I HAVE learned several things over the past 2 years.

I have learned that I am truly blessed with the most amazing friends and family.

I have learned that life is unpredictable and you need to put on your seatbelt and get ready for a crazy ride.

I have learned that things that seem super important are sometimes silly little details that should be forgotten.

I have learned that Jared, Shelby and I are ridiculously strong.

I have learned that it’s okay to spend some time crying but then, you have to wipe away your tears and take on life with a vengeance.

So, I will spend a little time crying today, but then I will wipe away my tears and face the day.

I know my tears are a sign of strength.

It has been 2 years.

I know I can do this.

I know that while we have faced a great tragedy, we have a whole life ahead of us.

And while there will be bumps in the road, it’s going to be great.