Our Story

My sister is amazing! I don’t think she realizes how many times she has brought me back from the edge.

We talk everyday and my life would be incomplete without her.

When I am feeling overwhelmed or lost, I turn to her.

When I am celebrating a success, I share it with her.

Recently, my sister said something to me that has really grounded me.

I told her a story about making a new acquaintance at a dinner date. This woman was truly just trying to get to know me.

Of course, she brought up Covid. She asked if I had ever had Covid. The table went silent and everyone froze, as I calmly answered, “yes”.

Then, she said, “Well, you seem to have faired pretty well with it” (again, a silent table because everyone except this woman knew my story). I took a deep breath and said, “yes” (As a million different responses ran through my brain.)

I took 2 things from this dinner date:

1. I was finally able to answer that question with composure and no longer needed to leave the table when Covid came into the conversation.
2. I was astounded by the fact that no one had told this woman my story.

So, I called my sister to share my pride in being able to answer the question and my disappointment with the fact that this woman wasn’t “warned” about my history.

And my sister said, “Isn’t that wonderful that they didn’t feel the need to share that information about you? That Steve’s death doesn’t define you and it is just part of your story?”

And those words completely changed how I feel. It became my mantra: Losing Steve does NOT define us, it is just part of our story.

Tomorrow, April 10th, would have been Steve’s 60th birthday.

Our family is now faced with another milestone. It is difficult to believe that he has been gone for 2 birthdays.

And in spite of the fact that we have become stronger and more resilient, we are struggling with this reality.

We have talked about how we should face his birthday.

Both of my children have plans to fill their day.

I am so comforted and proud that their lives are going on in spite of this tremendous loss.

But I also know their hearts are heavy and full of anxiety. I know that they will enjoy spending time with friends, but they will be fully aware of the small dark cloud overhead.

Grief is so difficult.

It would be so wonderful if grief were finite.

You could know that in 1 year you could just put it in a box in the closet and only open it when necessary.

But grief is way more complex than that.

It is infinite.

It is always in the back of your mind, waiting to come to the surface. There are times (like birthdays and anniversaries) that you know you will have to face it and times when it sneaks up on you and forces you to crumble.

But, what we truly need to remember is that grief does not define us.

It is just part of our story.

Losing Steve has changed my story.

His loss has taught me that life is short and unpredictable.

We need to seize the day and live our best lives.

We can’t wait to go on vacations.

We can’t wait to tell people how much we love them.

We can’t wait to make our home a place that feels warm and safe.

We can’t choose not to do things because we are worried about what others will think or say.

We can’t work so many hours that it leaves no time for doing the things we enjoy.

I am working on living my best life and not letting Steve’s death define me.

I am encouraging and hopeful that Jared and Shelby can do the same thing.

His death has broken our hearts and changed our family but it has also made us stronger and helped us realize that life can not be taken for granted.

Spend time with those you love and do the things that fill your heart with joy.

Loss does not define you…. it is just part of your story.

**Thank you Staci. I love you.