One bite at a Time

When you teach Kindergarten, you often hear ridiculous jokes.

One that resonates with me right now is “How do you eat an elephant?” and the answer is “One bite at a time”.

I feel as if our grief can be seen as an elephant.

This ginormous elephant is sitting in the corner, and we have to somehow get rid of it.

We could ignore it….

We could try to eat it all at once…

Or we could eat it one bite at a time…

I know the only reasonable answer (although you wouldn’t really eat an elephant) is to eat it one bite at a time but I can’t help but wish I could just make it disappear with one big gulp.

This is in part due to my personality….

Although I am a kindergarten teacher, I am impatient in my home life. Steve used to always tease me that things needed to be accomplished in “Marci Time”- meaning immediately.

Well, the elephant in the corner right now, can’t be tackled in “Marci Time”. He needs to be dealt with one bite at a time.

And although I am taking small bites each day, nothing seems to be falling into place.

That elephant is still sitting in the corner…

I have come to terms with the fact that “Marci Time” isn’t reasonable when dealing with government agencies or businesses. That is out of my control.

But what is most painful and difficult to manage is that our hearts can’t heal in “Marci Time”.

I KNOW we are not where we were 6 months ago and I also know that we have taken a few bites out of our elephant. But it is a HUGE elephant!

I have days when I start to feel a little bit more like myself but then there are days when that elephant seems to have grown even bigger and harder to conquer.

There are days when that elephant seems to not only be sitting in the corner, but seems to be sitting on my chest.

I know that we have so many friends and family walking alongside us through this journey and I am extremely grateful for that support.

I know that so many friends and family wish they could just make that elephant disappear, but they can’t.

I even question why we are the ones that got the elephant.

No one should have to deal with so much pain.

But I am confident that we will continue to take small bites out of our elephant and hopefully, sometime relatively soon, he will not take up so much space in the corner.