Happiness

I am happy.

Somehow, even after going through a really rough patch in my life, there are still feelings of guilt attached to my happiness.

I know I deserve to be happy but still wonder what others are thinking when they see me moving on with my life.

It shouldn’t matter what others think…

The rational part of me knows that, but the other part of me can’t help but worry about being judged.

Things are falling into place for us…

School is well underway and I am in my safe place Monday though Friday, with people I love and consider family.

I have fabulous friends that still check on me regularly and never hesitate to come to my aide when needed.

I am going out on weekends and spending time with people I care about.

My kids are both doing well in school and seem to have found their rhythm again.

My basement is waterproofed, my chimney is built, I had my stovetop replaced, a new battery has been installed in my car and I seem to have eradicated my mouse problem on my own! (It seems the chimney rebuild invited a lovely family of 7 mice into my home which I, singlehandedly, resolved!)

All of these home improvement issues would have thrown me into a fit of depression had they happened a few months ago.

There would have been tears and many “why mes” involved.

But I am stronger now.

I have learned strategies to help me through rough times.

I try to make sure that I go for walks with friends as often as possible.

Being outdoors, with the sun shining on my face helps me feel better.

I call my sister when I feel as if I might hit rock bottom. We will then laugh at the fact that I have literally been inflicted with more plagues than any individual should have to endure.

I would never imagine that I would be able to laugh about the fact that I cracked my glass stovetop because I thought it was a good idea to tenderize my chicken there. . Yep, I did that… took a wooden mallet to chicken on my GLASS stovetop…

I am proud to say I am no longer in the “why me?” phase.

If you had asked me 3 months ago if I would be able to overcome all of the issues I have had to face since Steve passed away, I am confident that I would have been brought to a place of insecurity and tears.

But, I am taking each day as it comes to me and facing new holidays, experiences and life changes.

It’s taken awhile to get to this point.

We still have moments of sadness and we are in unchartered waters but I am the captain of this ship and I am trying my best to lead our ship in the right direction.

So, if people see me out and about, I hope that they are celebrating my smiles and accomplishments and not judging me for moving forward.

Happiness doesn’t mean I am forgetting.

It just means that I have realized that life must go on and we are healing.