Trader Joe’s

A few months have passed since I have written on this blog, but I finally feel strong enough to revisit my last posts and feel it might be time to share more of my thoughts. As many of you know, I love to write and hope that sharing my journey may help me and perhaps even help others.

It has been almost 5 months since our nightmare began and 4 months since we said goodbye to Steve.

Grief is such a difficult emotion and the kids and I are doing our best to take it day by day as we just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Everyone is back in school and spending time with family and friends has helped our path to healing.

Some days, I stop and think “I can do this. I’m feeling ok.” and in the blink of an eye, I am overcome with sadness and feel like I cannot do one more thing.

But I keep pressing on because I know there has got to be more to my life and Jared and Shelby deserve a strong mama.

The things that upset me are surprising and yet they are logical. Sometimes my grief is very quiet and almost silent and at other times it is so tangible I feel like I may fall to pieces.

If you have experienced grief, I am certain you are familiar with the roller coaster of grief.

I know that many of my friends have said our story has made them much more aware of the dangers of Covid and that when they are approached by “non-believers”, our story is told and retold. I am glad that we are helping people take this horrible disease more seriously but I hope that is not the only lesson learned through our tragedy.

I have learned so many lessons over the last few months and I have done more adulting than I ever wanted to do, but I hope our story can help others in some small way…..

So here I go….

While shopping at Trader Joe’s last Friday night, I just couldn’t finish my shopping. I had to put my groceries back and leave the store empty handed. You might be wondering what could be so upsetting at a store where the employees wearing Hawaiian shirts are so friendly and helpful?

But here is what I saw through the eyes of grief…

Friday night couples shopping…. just going about this everyday, sometimes dreaded, task.

I watched these couples and realized how much I had taken for granted. I know Steve and I would often joke about how exciting our married life was as we shopped on a Friday or Saturday night.

How differently I see it now…

It is a privilege to have someone by your side while you do everyday, mundane tasks. I know for sure that I never stopped and said to Steve “I’m so glad you are here buying Pirates Booty with me.”

But I wish I had.

So, my thought for today is hold your loved ones close.

Know that things can change in an instant.

Be grateful for all the little moments you get to have with your significant other even if it’s just cleaning the house or running errands.

This all sounds so cheesy but I definitely see life through a different lens now.

Thank you once again to all of our friends and family who have stood by us during this difficult time. We are so lucky to have a strong tribe by our side.

And if we haven’t been in touch for awhile, don’t be afraid to reach out. I appreciate all of the texts, notes and phone calls I receive. Our tragedy is far from over and it warms my heart to know that we are not alone on this journey.